Wha?? Lay off the beer? Show me a team that's having more FUN!!!

So to make up for getting distracted last week, Bangers will step in with mid-season report cards. I decided to do this before I got asked to swap and do surprise Night shifts.... so you know.... delirium and madness.

BC North
Edlington Anarchy
In a close fought division it is Edlington with the edge after the first half the season with 5 wins. There is no one standing out in their remaining games as terrifyingly dangerous to play based on wins. However, they still have a few key divisional games to play and that has the potential to really mix this division up.

Key for being a bit more comfortable for the run in will be to find a few more touchdowns having found only 5 between 3 players this season. A high rate of turnovers (1st) and Interceptions still means they have got some bit to the unsupsecting.

End Season 9 Wins, a potential division winner but Wildcard race could be tight if they don't top the division.

Ulaabaatar Raptors
Like Edlington their run in doesn't have a team that based on wins strikes me as particularly terrifying. However, only 4 wins a is a little off the pace halfway this season to be in with a good shout on the Wildcard place if they can't take the division. Given it's closeness, it is possible. They have a game to play against Edlington, as do some of their divisional rivals, so you can safely bet Raptors will be hoping to capitalise on this.

They have a decently productive Offence and have kept Interceptions relatively low with 3 in total. They sit 3rd on Yards from Scrimmage Offensively and 6th Defensively so are a team performing reasonably well, they just haven't quite got the results this season so far.

End the Season 8 or 9 wins. They could top the division but at the moment are a bit off the pace to feel like they would be in a good position come the Wildcard race if it fell to that. A respectably decent roster that is capable of being a bit better.

Batman Robins
Having gone 10-6 last season, it already feels like Batman are a little off the pace compared to last year. That being said, Batman are a team in a bit of a rebuild mode. Yes, as it stands they are within touching distance of topping the division and they have a solid and experiencing bowl winning Manager, however, they just feel a bit too rebuildy this season.

They have really racked up interceptions this season and Pass-Accuracy just isn't quite there for being a top starter at the moment. Both the best team for Intercepting and being Intercepted and they have a decent passing game when they complete, but the percentage is in the bottom half of the league for that.

End the Season with 8 wins, probably missing on the Wildcard. Definitely a team capable of a surprise though.

Grand Rapids Rampage
Having a torrid season under new ownership, but that's no problem. There's a learning curve so we can't expect miracles. The rest of their season doesn't look hugely positive for getting more wins with each team being 4-3-1 or better and a tough game with the North Stars really says they probably can't make up the ground. They do have a decent number of divisional games, so if they can get their act together they could pull of a miracle.

Looking at the stat book doesn't make for reading, they are below average in most areas. It's not pretty reading and it looks like this season is a learning experience. They have got some decent rookies in the mix this year so have some things to take forward.

Unless they can pull of a spectacular end to the season they are probably out this. They have a decent run of Divisional rivals so could upset things a bit, or even completely. I expect they to end with 3-4 wins.

BC East
Wausau War Elephants
BC East at the top reads much like BC North. Five wins but not sitting comfortably, they have gone to Overtime twice this season, coming out 50/50. Their run in includes a couple of tough nuts to crack in Zena and Paris and Codus' experience at Batman represents a potential banana skin too. Their roster is decent but lacks some secondary and this may come to hurt them, there are definitely a few improvements they could make here and there.

Dr Quincy at QB has a completion percentage over 70% and that is nothing to sniff at. They top rushes per game but despite their completion percentage they sit 30th for passing yards. A mixed bag there and perhaps something for them to consider. They could make themselves a potential giant killer.

Seasons end I expect 9 maybe 10 wins. They are being hounded by Star City who have a schedule that should see them run them close for the title. Winner maybe, Wildcard a decent should but that Wildcard race is likely going to be tight.

Star City Slamhounds
They come in to mid season on 4 wins but have two 1 win teams to face in the run in. That being said they face Paris to finish Regular season so they are still going to have to work for their run in. They have suffered quite badly at the hands of Stockholm and Forbidden City but ran Maastricht and Port Emmett within a score. They just need to find a bit extra and the could pick up a few more wins in the run in.

Their roster is decent, but perhaps weak at Secondary. This seems to be showing itself as a pretty average defensive record, nothing terrible but not great either. They can score and have a decent record for completions, but their turnover record is one of the worst in the league. Stats have bright spots and scream decent but not spectacular at the moment.

They can probably make 8 or 9 wins. With a good prevailing wind, they might make 10. They are in with a shout of title and have War Elephants to play twice in the run in. Those two games will probably be crucial for how this division shakes out. Does that state it obviously enough for you?

Maastricht Violent Vermin
They ran Paris close in their game this season so despite sitting two games behind 2nd, they have some bottle. They have the Dragons to play and their divisional record is 1-2 at the moment. The run in doesn't scream plenty of wins. They haven't scored enough and they have let others score far too much this season.

There is some talent in places on their roster and their QB isn't quite there yet, so they have some positives going forward. He is giving a good completion rate but they are one of the worst for yards per completion. They need to get more out of him. Their passing defence needs improvement as it sits the worst in the league for those stats and I can't see them turning this season around without some serious improvement there.

Probably looking a missing out on any kind of post season, 5 or 6 wins is probably the upper bound that I can see. If they can improve their defence it's very achievable, if not, they do risk the run in being disappointing.

Sumpan Crazy Wolves
This is a team having a poor season, but they are very much in a rebuild mode around a star QB of the future. There is some talent dotted around this squad, but there isn't enough of it at the moment. From where they sit, the run in is tough. That being said, they face divisional rivals Maastricht twice in the run in and that is potentially a good opportunity for them to recover some pride. Their next game is against the defending Champions so there are some tough games as well.

Their completion percentage is woeful and even when the door connect, their passing game is not great. Actually, despite getting a decent return on yards per interception, their offence and defence stats are not pretty reading. If they can solve some of those problems they could end up with an improvement in the second half.

[i]Potentially 3 or 4 wins if they get their game together against some of their weaker run in opponents. They have some serious challenges in the form of the Screamers and Republicains to come first though and I can't see them turning it completely around this season. Any signs of improvement would be good though./i]


To be continued.....

Sorry to interrupt Bangers, but I waited as long as I can!

Week 9, technically

To go along with the mid-season scrutiny, this is going to be a segment on mistakes!

We’re adding up all of the sacks, interceptions, fumbles, and failed 4th down conversions your teams failed to stop! Obviously reducing these things is good, but let’s see how much it actually matters…

Starting us off in last place is the Reasonable Lengths. They average 5.2 mistakes per game. Yikes! Far and away the most common mistake on the Lengths is allowing sacks, at 3.4 per game. Gotta stop letting people through, guys!

Next we have the Porth Emmett Auctioneers. The Auctioneers mess up about 4.8 times a game. Their biggest problem? They can’t seem to hold onto the ball. Fumbles everywhere. They’ve also racked up a few safeties. Their owner has some reflecting to do on how to correct this for the future.

In 30th place are the Debt-Laden Corpses. Ideally they should be in last, but at 4.7 mistakes a game they are beating out the previous two. No advice, I don’t feel like talking to the void.

Edlington Anarchy are slightly edging out the corpses at 4.6. They are sacked almost as much as they fumble. Interceptions aren’t much of a concern though at only 0.4 a game. Since they’re 6-3 right now it’s not hurting them too bad.

Another 0.1 ahead are the Penrith Lions. The Lions, coming off a few rough seasons, are performing a lot better now. 4.5 mistakes a game isn’t great, but there aren’t any extremes here, the sack rate and fumble rate are almost identical. They do however throw an above average number of interceptions at 0.8 a game roughly, that’s 27th place for ints. Chacon is a great overall QB so we’re going to put this down to the receivers.

Moving up the list, we reach the Heliopolis Phoenix. They have a solid run defense, but everyone else’s defense manages to punch through their o-line to reach the QB for a sack 2.2 times a game. They also make 1.4 turnovers by way of fumble and 4th down fails - along with a 0.8 interception rating, that brings them to a 4.4 for mistakes each game.

Reaching now to 25th place - nope you didn’t miscount, this one is a tie! You’re going to be seeing a lot of that from this point. Tied for 25th with 4.3 mistake points are the Entebbe Elders and the Florence Fools. The most noteworthy bit about this pair is that they run 0.9 and 1.0 interceptions a game respectively. 1.0 tops the charts at 32nd place, an honor which a few others hold as well.

The Echunga Echidnas and Batman Robins sit at 4.2. I feel like there’s a Sonic joke to be made in here somewhere but I’m a busy man so I’ll leave that to the reader. Again high interception rates; 0.8 for Knuckles and 1.0 between Deaton and Pass-Accuracy.

Next up, a tie for 21st, the Nottingham Arrows and Tillamook Sharknado. At 4.1, these two would make a deadly combination if their team names are to be believed. Unlike the previous sets, the interception rates are average but the sack rates are exceptional: 2.2 for the Arrows and a whopping 2.4 for the Sharknados.

Sitting alone at number 20 we have the Los Angeles Earthquakes! Nothing sticks out here, all around pretty average numbers on mistakes. Maybe they can shake things up and grab a few more points per game if they lower any or all of the numbers, but there aren’t massive changes to be made anywhere in this regard.

Despite leading the league, the Nice Baguettes make 3.9 mistakes every game. Above average interceptions but nothing spectacular on any front.

The Dutch Prodigies and the Zena Soneros. And the Hong Kong Kings. Triple threat. 16th place. 3.7 points. Making our way through the list now. The Soneros are dead average but the Prodigies really need to work on their o-line because they get sacked a lot. The Kings have one of the lowest sack rates and one of the highest interception rates, both at 0.9.

Despite what they imagine, the Sumpan Crazy Wolves sit at a middling 15th place on mistakes per game with 3.5. They’re low on fumbles and interceptions, but high on sacks.

The Derry Mean Machine has an even lower sack rate than the Kings, 0.8. One point away from first place. What they do need to worry about is how much they fumble the ball. Maybe Dirk needs to stop buttering up his receivers in an attempt to make tackling the team harder.

Next up we have the two-time champs, the Stockholm North Stars, and the newcomers, the Grand Rapids Rampage. Interesting to see one of the highest rated and lowest rated teams tied on this metric. What are they doing wrong? Let’s find out! Well, the Stars have one of the lowest interception rates at 0.3 but a higher turnover rate than average while intercepting is the main problem the Rampage are facing - as far as mistakes are concerned, at least. These two teams sit at 3.1.

And at 3.0 we have the Cape Town Rhinos - division mates to the toughest teams in the league, they manage to not mess up very often which is impressive. The numbers are getting pretty low now but I’d say interceptions is their biggest problem, though it’s only average overall.

Cracking into the 2s at 2.9, the Oviedo Tardigrados sit at 9th, along with the Maastricht Violent Vermin. The Spanish Waterbears give up 1.3 turnovers and sacks per game, along with only 1 interception every 3 games. Great numbers! The Vermin have fine numbers, bar the 0.7 intercept rate. One might say they’re doing little wrong, but the scoreboard disagrees.

And here we have the Montevideo Screamers. Current champions. 2.8. 8th place on mistakes. Looking to find a weakness? Well, they do throw interceptions an above average amount, make sure to capitalize on those if you want a chance at beating these juggernauts.

At 6th place with 2.7 points are Les Republicains de Paris and the Ulaanbaatar Raptors, perhaps the most refined and least refined teams in the league. Paris is tied for first on sacks, impressive! But they also give up quite a few interceptions, gotta work on that one. Not much to say about the Raptors except that they throw among the fewest interceptions in the league.

5th place, making 2.6 mistakes each game are the Harnosand Harbourmasters. Not sure why they went with the British spelling when the American one was available, but they sit at #1 for fewest interceptions thrown. Good job, Harnosand.

Jumping several points to 2.3, we have the Wausau War Elephants. For their first year in the league, they’re putting up impressive numbers everywhere. Some of that will come from the bones of the Wildcats, but you need a good leader to keep a team going. Nothing to complain about here, one of the best interception and sack rates, and just an average fumble rate.

For second place, the Forbidden City Dragons and Cheesy Philly are up! With just 2.1 mistakes a game, both of these teams are doing well. On the mistake front at least. One might argue that Philly’s biggest mistake is rushing so much, but hey, we’re just doing stats. They both have among the lowest in every category. Good job to the owners for making balanced teams.

And in first place, proving that maybe this whole write-up is meaningless, we have the Star City Slamhounds. With only 2.0 mistakes a game and the lowest turnover rate of any team, the Slamhounds sit at the top - of this list at least. They’re not topping any other list any time soon. With a middling 4-5 record, one must ask, do the number of mistakes really matter? Well, they do hurt but it’s probably more important to focus on… anything else.

Week 10

HELLO THERE, it’s me, Miss Cleo. You might remember me from such things as 90’s TV commercials, infomercials, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, HBO series “Call me Miss Cleo”, Miss Cleo’s Tarot Power Deck line of tarot cards, or Miss Cleo’s Tarot Power game.

I’m here to predict the outcome of the matches this week. As a real psychic, I expect to get everything right. Once I have proven to you that I’m a legitimate psychic, feel free to Call Me Now!™


Paris @ Crazy Wolves
Paris will win this one, it’ll be a shutout.

Anarchy @ Slamhounds
Slamhounds definitely has this one in the bag - didn’t expect that, did you?

Raptors @ Lions
You may not have expected it, but I predict the Lions win this one.

Sharknado @ Corpses
Sharknado will take this one easy.

Kings @ Fools
It’ll be a tough battle but the Kings comec out on top, guaranteed.

Baguettes @ Earthquake
Huge upset but Earthquake take this handily. With 3 starters out it's to be expected.

Elders @ Screamers
Not difficult (none of these are for a real psychic) but the Screamers win without question.

North Stars @ Rampage
Easy win for the North Stars.

Robins @ Violent Vermin
The Robins walk all over the Vermin.

Tardigrados @ Dragons
Division battle with the title going to the Dragons. In overtime.

Phoenix @ Harbourmasters
Who would have expected the Phoenix to win? Oh right, me.

Arrows @ Auctioneers
The Auctioneers definitely have this one.

Philly @ Mean Machine
You should really be playing to your strengths - Mean Machine wins.

Lengths @ Echidnas
Pretty expected win for the Echidnas.

Prodigies @ Rhinos
In spite of everything, the Rhinos come out the victor, and by 8 points!

Soneros @ War Elephants
Yeah… good job to the War Elephants at taking down one of the strongest teams.


How did I do? If you liked the performance, give me a call!

As we approach the pointy end of the season the final jostle for positions are in full swing, so lets see what week 11 brought us good boys and girls.

Raptors 23 @ Slamhounds 10

Important game for both teams to see if they can keep their seasons alive in both divisional and wild card races.

A good result for the visiting Raptors but a close enough game, both teams leaning heavily on the pass, but its the combination of the Raptors secondary of Patricio, Triggerhappy and Yong and Star City's QB Christian wayward passing with 4 pick offs that make the difference.

Raptors keep hopes alive – looking nervy for the Star City faithful now.

Phoenix 30 @ Tardigrados 13

Another tale of turnovers as two good teams meet with the usually super safe Tiberius Shambles throwing into four interceptions and his D line letting the Phoenix D stack up four Sacks. Francis Fahey for the Phoenix had a lovely 115 rated day at the office including a 73 yd TD to Nem Ty.

Corpses 12 @ Anarchy 13

They may be corpses but they keep pushing folks to the margins – if any of their fans were actually sentient they would be really on the edges of their crypts. Somehow the corpses move it 305yds to the Anarchy's 158 and still lose to a Barry Scott pass to Jerry Moore with 1.18 left on the game clock.

Crazy Wolves 6 @ Robins 23

Its been a tough old season for those Crazy Wolves and visiting the Robins in play-off race mode is never a good thing. Pretty much one way traffic with the Robins converting each of their red zone visits into points RB David Fodor picks up 85 yds rushing and tacks on 120 yds receiving including a TD. Nice day at the office.

Harbourmasters 10 @ Elders 16

With an even record being well in contention for a wild card in the FB Conference, this was a big game for divisional rivals, and very tight it turned out to be. Good QB performances and turnovers kept low, this came down to a territory game to see who could maximise their scoring potential. The Elders made 5 red zone visits and came away with scores on four and the Harbourmasters could only convert one of their two visits. A late TD by Crowe to Roth made it a nervy finish but the Elders chip a Fg with 30 secs and hold on.

Philly 7 @ Kings 24

Will and the boys seem to be hitting a rough patch instead of Chris Rock at the moment and their visit to the Kings hasn't helped their temper as Hong Kong take their winning streak to 3, A good time to be hotting up. A wide ranging run attack of Trumpet, Bandit and Hazmat and Terry Im apparently completing 24 of 25 (mistake surely?) just blanketed out Will, Franc and the boys. They meet again in a few weeks, could be a very important game.

Dragons 26 @ Auctioneers 7

You don't want to be playing the Dragons at the minute – but when you share a division its a privilege that you get to enjoy twice a season (see Paris later). Add to that they take their first possession 91 yards in 12 plays for a TD and well its hardly ideal. First half interceptions maperedany real chance for the Auctioneers and the only consolation was a 103 KO return by FS Frankie Curcio in the last 2 minutes.



Paris 16 @ Arrows 11

And speaking of which here are the Les Republicains up against the Arrows. The Arrows have been on a horrible run of late and coming up against this mob wasn't ideal – in a pretty much one sided affair the Arrows did add a little excitement as they also had a KO return for TD – making it a meagre 10-7 with much of the 4th Qtr to go, but Fugue and Saperlipoppette connected to seal the deal and the Arrows will be looking at next season – and Paris are looking at Beijing.


Violent Vermin 7 @ War Elephants 20

5games separated these teams in their division, and the Elephants have been taking some big scalps along the way so it looked a tough fixture for the Vermin, but this was closer than the scoreline suggests.

Wausau's rush heavy offence and Maastricht pass focus offence both performed well, but the difference was the ability for the rush to bring the ball deeper into Vermin territory and convert into points. Vermin QB Kleiber had a 75% completion rate but a low yards avg at 4.7, Elephants monster RB Singh averaged 4.76 on his own. Good game and with a few extra rolls of the dice it could have been a different outcome.

Lions 7 @ Earthquake 9

Yup they're at it again. I'm not sure if its the clock changing, or that very northern part of LA thawing out, but late in the season the Earthquake are knocking off Divisional leaders again.

In a strange old game the Lions got off to a lovely start with a Chacon-Lockett TD, finishing off a opening 67 yard drive, and things looked grand for the Lions but the Earthquake just keep on rumbling on – they hung in there to the second half and then just ground out the three Fg's they needed to delight the home fans. Penrith will rue not taking advantage of the yardage they gained 311-194 but a missed FG and taking advantage of what you can get give LA another notch on the goalpost.

Echidnas 17 @ Prodigies 3

The Echidnas fly into Amsterdam involved in another divisional shoot out and were not for taking prisoners here at the Olympisch Stadion. Has to be said they took their time going into the 4th only 3 points to the good, and Manuel levelled it at 3-3 before Echunga turned on the gas and won out with Sketchy Catching Run for TD and a Knuckles pass to Androo for a 47 yd TD and sealing the win.

Amsterdam superstar Cruijff took a cynical blow to the neck that may finish his season and to that we all say Booo! Bad Echindnas!

Soneros 7 @ North Stars 13

Its that game again, the one that is as tight as a game developers DLC budget – but this time although the scores were close Zena were curiously off form, even against the infamously stingy Stars D you expect Whitmore and crew to clock up more than 134 game yards – but the Stars Secondary was stellar, doing want they do, limiting Whitmore to a paltry 85 yards and 11 out of 24 completions.

Not that scoring against Zena is ever easy but Stars QB Marrero's 14 from 15 and the 150 rushing yds just accumulates points in this case a TD and two FG's to Zena's Solitary TD.

Not over yet methinks.


Screamers 20 @ Rhinos 17

In the other BC South divisional game this years “Team of Frustration” the Rhinos slugged it out toe to toe with the mighty Screamers – this was a tough tough game, and really shows the strength of this division. In a game of inches the Rhinos started so promisingly and ended in heartache as they opened with a brilliant 75 yd drive for TD (Alvarez to Nee) and after weathering a great fight back by Montevideo with two Dial TD's found themselves 10 points adrift before Houck ran in a TD to bring it within 3 in the 4th with plenty of time remaining.

And in such cauldrons strange things happen - both teams exchanged fumbles and with the Rhinos at midfield and looking good to at least tie the game up with a FG, Alavrez going for it all seemed to have had cracked the coverage and what looked like a winning pass to Gann was picked off at fingertips by Timothy Radke on the 30yd line. Great game.

Mean Machine 32 @ Lengths 0

A tale of teams that have packed up for the off season and another who are in a dogfight for the Division. The Machine were just plain mean today and with sacks and coverage they never let the Lengths get even an even break. Add to that badly timed penalties and a weakened O line it was always going to be tough. Off to the Draft!

Rampage 15 @ Fools 10

My other mystery team the Fools are at it again. Grand Rapids may be headed to the off season early but they 'Do not go gentle into that good night (they) rage, rage against the dying of the light.'

Sure the Fools got off to a flier with a Leeroy Jenkins TD but after that who knows what goes on in the heads of the Fool. In a kick fest Grand Rapids Kicker landed a sweet 5/5 and takes the win. Sometimes its nice to be the Kicker.

Baguettes 20 @ Sharknado 3

Hmm their back at it see. Mind you the scoreline is flattering, the Sharnado kept the usually free scoring Baguettes to a lowly 208 yds net – that's impressive, and to be blunt if they hadn't thrown the ball away to the opposition three times the score would have been much closer – but when you throw interceptions on your 25 and 30 yd lines both of which end up in TD's its not going to be a good day. Fair to say today was a victory of the Baguettes Defence – which is a bit worrying!


So there you go kids. All good stuff enjoyed some good games and looking forward to the run in – there are going to be some big matches coming up

It's time for a swifty team report!

A quick word on the sums involved - Developing players are those under 5 years' experience, while retiring are over 8. Team ratings are an overall grade using starters only in each position. As such it doesn't reflect teams with greater roster depth, but does give a read on how your team measures up if fully fit.


Batman Robins
Roster age - 24 (19 developing, 7 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [28] Defense [14] Overall [22]
The Robins are in the uncomfortable position of having a team fast maturing without having the grades to match. They're maybe a season from peak performance with this lineup and can take some solace from the fact that they look like playoff possibles this season.

Cape Town Rhinos
Roster age - 8 (22 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [6] Defense [4] Overall [2]
The Rhinos are poised to charge in the next couple of years. They've a young, developing team that is highly rated - 2nd overall! This doesn't count for much if that talent can't be turned into results and in Bad Company South that is a very tall order.

Cheesy Philly
Roster age - 21 (15 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [3] Defense [30] Overall [16]
Philly have an undeniably talented offense but the team is getting older and the cracks have shown this season in their formerly dominant aerial game. They're going to need to shore up their defense if they're to meet the challenge of the the Baguettes before needing to rebuild.

Debt-Laden Corpses
Roster age - 32 (13 developing, 16 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [32] Defense [32] Overall [32]
The Corpses have every draft pick for the next 3 seasons. Whoever takes over the team, please, trade some of them forwards or your cap will be in the same state again in no time.

Derry Mean Machine
Roster age - 16 (26 developing, 7 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [20] Defense [6] Overall [11]
Middle of the pack for roster age with a typically Mean Machine defense and Derry's capabilities are starting to shine through. Given this younger lineup, Derry can expect to be challenging for the playoffs for the next few seasons without and trouble. A few improvements to their offense and a bowl win isn't outside the realm of possibility.

Dutch Prodigies
Roster age - 12 (31 developing, 4 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [4] Defense [9] Overall [6]
It's all well and good having a high-rated offense, but if a key component of that spends the season out injured it doesn't really help. The good news for the Prodigies is that they're a young team with talent on both sides of the ball. If they can find a way to beat Derry and Echunga the Prodigies have every chance of becoming playoff regulars.

Echunga Echidnas
Roster age - 15 (26 developing, 5 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [7] Defense [8] Overall [7]
The Echidnas are a well-balanced, young-ish team and are performing to the degree you'd expect. Almost certainly bound for this year's playoffs they may not make the championship game, but they won't be making it easy on whoever draws them along the way.

Edlington Anarchy
Roster age - 21 (22 developing, 9 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [31] Defense [25] Overall [31]
Edlington's slightly older roster is also slightly lacking in talent. They're a team in need of a rebuild.

Entebbe Elders
Roster age - 25 (22 developing, 12 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [16] Defense [22] Overall [21]
The Elders aren't the oldest team in the league, but they're not far off that mark. They're also lacking the kind of talent that a mature team needs to make the grade. Almost half the roster is still developing, but it doesn't look likely they'll be challenging any time soon.

Florence Fools [Youngest team!]
Roster age - 1 (51 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [17] Defense [13] Overall [12]
The Fools are in the enviable position of having the youngest roster and a respectable grade of their players. Were we to fast-forward to next season right now, all 3 grades improve by a couple of places simply due to players maturing. A rennaissance in Florence looks likely in the next 3 years.

Forbidden City Dragons
Roster age - 11 (29 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [2] Defense [5] Overall [3]
Young roster and highly rated? What else would you expect from the league's pre-eminent player broker?

Grand Rapids Rampage
Roster age - 20 (23 developing, 7 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [30] Defense [16] Overall [24]
The Rampage's offense needs some work and as much as they've an older team they have enough young players to build a backbone that may help them compete in the North.

Harnosand Harbourmasters
Roster age - 9 (25 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [13] Defense [18] Overall [15]
Harnosand surprised a few teams with decent first half form this season. Sadly, since then their luck has left them and they're out of the running this year, but this is a young team and they're only going to get stronger for the next 3+ seasons.

Heliopolis Phoenix
Roster age - 7 (33 developing, 4 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [22] Defense [14] Overall [19]
Heliopolis are another team who've punched above their weight in the 2025 season and they've done so without the strength of roster you'd expect from a winning team. Plenty of opportunity for the Phoenix to continue emerging from the flames and they look to be a shoe-in as divisional champs for the next few years at least.

Hong Kong Kings
Roster age - 3 (32 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [28] Defense [7] Overall [17]
A roster full of mutants leads to a low-rated offensive roster and clearly some genuine talent will be needed if the Kings are to challenge for Fail Brigade South's title. Their defense is keeping them in the hunt however, and a third successive playoff appearance is likely at this point.

Les Republicains de Paris
Roster age - 5 (37 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [14] Defense [3] Overall [4]
Another team demonstrating the value in defense as the route to victory, Paris can upset anyone in any game. A third bowl appearance is possible this year, but they're maybe not the favourite to get there. For those hoping that Paris' days are numbered, they're not. 5th youngest team in the league, friends.

Los Angeles Earthquake [#1 offense!]
Roster age - 14 (23 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [1] Defense [20] Overall [9]
The number 1 offense on paper but where are the results?

Maastricht Violent Vermin
Roster age - 13 (28 developing, 8 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [20] Defense [26] Overall [25]
The Vermin are still young enough to make something out of the roster we have, and that's good. Less good is that the roster they have really isn't very good.

Montevideo Screamers
Roster age - 23 (18 developing, 4 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [10] Defense [21] Overall [18]
The Screamers are packing a decent offense but the team is starting to get older and they'll begin losing starters before long. Their record is such that they'll get another run at the title this year, but we might be looking at a swansong season for the 2024 champs.

Nice Baguettes
Roster age - 29 (17 developing, 8 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [4] Defense [11] Overall [8]
Nice are in do-or-die time as their team is ageing rapidly, but they're looking like the number 1 contender in Fail Brigade right now. They'll get maybe one more swing at the bowl next year before age forces a rebuild.

Nottingham Arrows
Roster age - 18 (25 developing, 5 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [24] Defense [24] Overall [26]
There's no good news in Nottingham who will be looking for a fresh perspective on their lineup in the next couple of seasons.

Oviedo Tardigrados
Roster age - 30 (12 developing, 11 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [11] Defense [27] Overall [23]
The Tardigrados are undoubtedly in rebuild mode. They've put an offense (of sorts) together, but they're older than dirt and clearly a few steps off the pace.

Penrith Lions
Roster age - 19 (27 developing, 10 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [22] Defense [29] Overall [29]
Leading their division with a lacklustre roster, the Lions should be thrilled. They'll get flattened in the playoffs, but they're sure near certain the get there.

Porth Emmett Auctioneers
Roster age - 27 (14 developing, 9 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [27] Defense [12] Overall [20]
Porth Emmett are still paying the price of their foundation gamble for early results that never quite came good. Their defense is respectable, but the team is old

Reasonable Lengths
Roster age - 31 (17 developing, 17 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [26] Defense [27] Overall [30]
If you were asked to name, without looking, the worst rated team in the league you'd say "Corpses." You'd be right. If then asked to name the second worst, you might be surprised to find out that it's the Lengths, but it is. Second oldest roster, and it not a good one at all. Full rebuild time.

Star City Slamhounds
Roster age - 4 (36 developing, 3 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [19] Defense [30] Overall [28]
Star City have one of the youngest teams but they're sorely lacking in defensive talent. They're in a very winnable division but it's going to take more than they have right now to take the title.

Stockholm North Stars [#1 defense!] [#1 overall!]
Roster age - 25 (13 developing, 3 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [12] Defense [1] Overall [1]
Hey everyone, the North Stars have the strongest roster in the league. They also have one of the best gameplanners. Unless Derry knock them out in the conference championship, this is your Bad Company bowl winner right here. Again.

Sumpan Crazy Wolves
Roster age - 16 (28 developing, 8 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [14] Defense [17] Overall [13]
Challenged to find the most average roster in Electrosports, you've found it. Sumpan are average for age, hovering around average for all team ratings and it's not helping them cut through against teams who excel on one side of the ball or the other. The team needs an injection talent on one side of the ball or the other to help them cut through.

Tillamook Sharknado
Roster age - 27 (21 developing, 12 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [9] Defense [19] Overall [14]
Changes will be coming to Tillamook as 12 players are in their last few seasons of usability. If they can hold their offense together a little longer they could yet snag a second division title, but the odds are against them.

Ulaanbaatar Raptors
Roster age - 5 (30 developing, 2 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [17] Defense [2] Overall [5]
Bad Company North is lacking a dynasty and the Raptors are in great shape to be the first. They've a powerhouse defensive roster and a very young team to act as a springboard to multiple titles.

Wausau War Elephants
Roster age - 2 (44 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [8] Defense [9] Overall [10]
The War Elephants have found considerable success under their new leadership. They've always had the youngest roster having drafted 100% rookies in the foundation and that's led to the situation they're in now with a major part of their roster hitting their prime at the same time.

Zena Soneros
Roster age - 10 (25 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [25] Defense [22] Overall [26]
Zena haven't been quite as dominant as might usually be expected this season, a quick glance at their team ratings tells you why. They're a young team but clearly still have some rebuilding work to do.

Howly folks this is your crazy wolf from deep within the urban forrest of Swedens smallest town(when it comes to area)

Couldn't really come up with what i should write about so i sat down and had a little think about what hasn't been writen( i could offcourse be wrong) but here it goes.

To just write about the games that has been played this week have been done so many times, so not gonna do that.

Instead i will go through the stature of the teams(the longest and shortest player of each team)

Starting With BC North

In Anarchy we have three players who soar to the height of 6’6 or (2,01 m),
Richard Trickle,Wendell Redmond and Kent Blanco
They are looking down on
Wayne Lopez at 5’9 or (1,8 m)


You thought that birds will fly high but the Robins only have one player who reach 6'6(2,01 m)
and that is Farflame Dragonlord(no problem with his confidence with a name like that)

At 5'10(1,83m) 6 players are stuck on the ground still not grasping the concept of flight those are Daniel Barker, Jockey Dingbat, Nathan Spencer, Boo Galoo, Chris Spandex and
Fawkrin Skulkrin


Moving on (or back) to the prehistoric era, we find some Raptors at 6'5 (1,98 m), "i thought dinosoars where supposed to be big, guess not)
There are 4 of them who which they were T-Rexes but only manages velociraptors at best
Luther Pendragon, Lancelot Bradshaw, Oscar Judas and Karl Tsvasdan

still crawling in the prehistoric mud are DeAndre Lattimore-Jones at 5' 9 or (1,8 m)


James Porter of the Rampage is the alpha male of the Ape group at 6' 6 (2,01 m)

At the bottom of the social ladder we find 6 who are still only monkey around at 5'10 (1,83 m)
Robert Eckart, David Hall, Scott Trivett, David Campbell, Homer Wesson and Edward Clark


In BC East

The Slamhounds are no Grand Danois with 4 players at 6,5 (1,98 m) more like Sankt Bernards(also some of the heviest players) Abel Long, Brandon Petty, Willie Hardy, Charles Palmer.

The Chihuahua of the neighbourhood is Jorge Marshall at 5,9 (1,8 m)


We all know that Elephants are big animals And The War Elephants have found 3
African ones at 6'6 (2,01 m)
Elias Parasitical, Brent Allen and Bradley Bradshaw

Two lost Pygmé Elephants have also been rediscóvered as Vern Sweeting and Kenneth Henderson look up at there massive cousins in awe from 5' 9 (1,8 m)


For the Crazy Wolves only 3 players of the pack reach 6' 5 (1,98 m)
Raymond Addington, Richard Haskell and Henry Moran

and still playing around as a lost little cub is Theodore Oglesby at 5'9 (1,8 m)


Vermins are small aren't they? well In the Violent Vermins a mutation must have accured as Matthew Brown stand at 6' 6 (2,01 m)

3 More normal sized rodents crawl around at the bottom in the form of 5' 9 (1,8 m)
Chris McLain, James Klein and Micah Torres


In BC South

Reaching "as the only one" for the night sky of the North Stars are Justin Childers at 6' 6 (2,01 m)

Still on the ground with their telescopes are Henry Alexander and George Chamberlain at 5' 9 (1,8 m)


Down in South America and The Screamers 3 players are standing on their toes as they empty their lungs but still only reach 6' 5 (1,98 m) are Chris Gibson, Gonzalo Huntsman and Barry Phillips

trying to make his voices heard are Jeffrey Payton but at 5' 9 (1,8 m) all that can be noticed is a silent whisper.


Soneros...Soneros...Soneros...i can never come up with anything clever to write
Well, well 3 players wish for high heels at 6 '5 (1,98 m) David Lee, William Davis and Guglielmo Colon

Strolling around in sandals are Equanimeous Bug and Antonio Vega at 5 '9 (1,8 m)


Stampeding over the Savannah are the 2 biggest (not fully grown) Rhinos Javier Gambrel and Brian Ikner at 6' 5 (1,98 m)

Getting lost and nowhere to be seen in the tall grass are 5' 10( 1,83 m) Dane Blackburn, Michael Schultz and Warren Haag.



In BC West

A giant very Mean Machine Mark Gastineau digs up coal with a hugh bucket at 6' 6 (2,01 m)

more like small toy steam engines Michael Holt, Royale Aristotle, Kolton Camus and Zonovan Verlaine must have lost some parts at 5' 10 (1,83 m)


For the Echidnas Ripper Roo and Pademelon Quokka at 6' 5 (1,98 m) are taking on the Soldier Ants.

While Doe Rae-Mi at 5' 9 (1,8 m) just chase after those tiny red ones.


With a name like the Lengths you might have expected to see some but the ruler was a bit short at 6' 5 (1,98 m) for Travis, James T. ,William M. , Cecil Keillor (didn't feel like writing Keillor 4 times, so i opted to only write Keillor 1 time so you wouldn't have to read Keillor 4 times) and Fredrick Wink.

Still having hopes of getting a higher mark on the door frame at 5' 10 (1,83 m) are Raphael, Marcus and Richard H(i have writen Keillor enough times so i will not write Keillor again, nothing can make me! i refuse to write Keillor again) and Alex Pettway


In FB North

The mighty Dragons soar over the landscape brething fire, the biggest ones at 6' 6 (2,01 m) are Ma Teng, Guan Hai and Liu Biao

Still not big enough to spread their wings are Sima Jiong and Christopher Cross(didn't he sing a song for a movie?.....Arthur, that is the name of the movie!) at 5' 10 (1,83 m)


Not as tall as the Eiffel Tower but Tallest among the Republicains are Glub-Glub Funklesnacks (did his parents drink something when they were naming him) at 6' 6(2,01 m)

Digging at the bottom of the Seine are Lucienne Saperlipopette at only 5' 9(1,8 m)


Going once, going twice sold to the highest bidder by the Auctioneers are Paul Cox at after fees bring in 6' 6 (2,01 m)

Still in the store room with no hope for any bids are Frank Carruth and Mary Palaver at shelf
5' 9 (1,8 m)


Donald Eells must be the giant one from Star Trek Discovery as the tallest of the Tardigrados at 6' 6 (2,01 m)

Not even seen by an electron microscope are Ronald Pendleton, William Thompson and Larry Larson at 5' 10 (1,83 m)


In FB East

Raising out of the ashes as the not so majestic Phoenix, are 5 players at 6' 5(1,98 m) are Thomas Nation, Levi Crapulence, Continental Geb, Joseph Shuff and Big Rod McGurk

Still smoldering and waiting for rebirth are Aaron Medina, David Hare, Luigi Capaldi and Berry Foley at 5' 10( 1,83 m)


Rumors have circulated that the Elders will rebrand wonder if 6' 6 (2,01) Felipe Erickson will follow on that jorney or will trip over his long legs.

Elvis Peacock might be having trouble keeping up with the leagues shortest legs at 5' 8(1,77 m)


Standing tall like Lighthouses for the Harbourmasters to look out over the ocean for lost ships are 6' 6 (2,01 m) tall Glenn Burton and Brandon Kanagy

While Viggo Surstromming, James Foster and Ronald Martinez at 5' 9 (1,8 m) are in danger of getting eroded away like a low lying beach.


I have heard that you can shoot pretty long with Arrows, but tall, might be a bit dangerous when it comes down just ask William Heston at 6' 6 (2,01 m)

And still playing with his child bow is John Terry at 5' 9 (1,8 m)


In FB South

Tiny Tina(what!!!! Tiny ????) and Kristopher Wetmore where employed at the bakery of the Baguettes to put on the top layer on the Wedding cakes at 5' 7( 2,04 m)

Only trusted to make flatbread is Chris Doran at 5' 10 (1,83 m)


At the Kings court Steve Mastodon is standing a head above the rest at 6' 5(1,98 m)

while Julius Hardware is being the fool at only 5' 9 (1,8 m)



A thick layer of Philly cheese was spread on the heads of no more then 7 players to make them just a little bit taller at 6' 5 (1,98 m) those are Brian Davis, Cletus Thielen, Nick Vercillo, Alex Apollonov, Jose Conant, Yuan Tan and Scott Trujillo.

Coming a bit late only to discover there were no more cheese are Gary Blaylock at 5' 9 (1,80 m)


Used as a look out tower at 6' 5(1,98 m) after the Earthquake strikes is Jed Irwin.
at 6' 6 (2,01 m)
While Barry Ridout at 5' 8 (1,77 m) must have gotten hit by a falling block of concrete


Leading the hunt for the Lions is William Sherrod(yes i know male lions don't hunt) at 6' 6 (2,01 m)

While Antonio Jarvis at 5' 9 (1,8 m) is still to small to take part.

Watch out the Great White in the form of 6' 6 (2,01 m) Tom Lambert of the Sharknados is looking for some lone surfer

As Henry Degen 5´9 (1,8 m) is calmy swiming around the reef as a little lemon shark.


Having found an escape from the kings court as Fools Old Bob, Quintin Vu, Gary Busey, Manuel Gearshift, Scooter Darby and James Fant where long enough 6'5 (1,98 m) to climb the wall.

While Sam Enchanted are still stuck with a jesters hat on his head (not that it help his length) at 5' 9 (1,8 m)


We do know that when you die and become a Corpses you shrink a little so how long where Lothario Smallholdings and Xu Zhu at 6' 6 (2,01 m) before they met their timely end?

And having withered away to almost nothing are Greg Sanders and John Clayton at 5' 9 (1,8 m)

So there you have it a somewhat lengthy report of the length of some players, none as tall as trees ore short as bushes.