It's time for a swifty team report!
A quick word on the sums involved - Developing players are those under 5 years' experience, while retiring are over 8. Team ratings are an overall grade using starters only in each position. As such it doesn't reflect teams with greater roster depth, but does give a read on how your team measures up if fully fit.
Batman RobinsRoster age - 24 (19 developing, 7 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [28] Defense [14] Overall [22]
The Robins are in the uncomfortable position of having a team fast maturing without having the grades to match. They're maybe a season from peak performance with this lineup and can take some solace from the fact that they look like playoff possibles this season.
Cape Town RhinosRoster age - 8 (22 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [6] Defense [4] Overall [2]
The Rhinos are poised to charge in the next couple of years. They've a young, developing team that is highly rated - 2nd overall! This doesn't count for much if that talent can't be turned into results and in Bad Company South that is a very tall order.
Cheesy PhillyRoster age - 21 (15 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [3] Defense [30] Overall [16]
Philly have an undeniably talented offense but the team is getting older and the cracks have shown this season in their formerly dominant aerial game. They're going to need to shore up their defense if they're to meet the challenge of the the Baguettes before needing to rebuild.
Debt-Laden CorpsesRoster age - 32 (13 developing, 16 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [32] Defense [32] Overall [32]
The Corpses have every draft pick for the next 3 seasons. Whoever takes over the team, please, trade some of them forwards or your cap will be in the same state again in no time.
Derry Mean MachineRoster age - 16 (26 developing, 7 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [20] Defense [6] Overall [11]
Middle of the pack for roster age with a typically Mean Machine defense and Derry's capabilities are starting to shine through. Given this younger lineup, Derry can expect to be challenging for the playoffs for the next few seasons without and trouble. A few improvements to their offense and a bowl win isn't outside the realm of possibility.
Dutch ProdigiesRoster age - 12 (31 developing, 4 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [4] Defense [9] Overall [6]
It's all well and good having a high-rated offense, but if a key component of that spends the season out injured it doesn't really help. The good news for the Prodigies is that they're a young team with talent on both sides of the ball. If they can find a way to beat Derry and Echunga the Prodigies have every chance of becoming playoff regulars.
Echunga EchidnasRoster age - 15 (26 developing, 5 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [7] Defense [8] Overall [7]
The Echidnas are a well-balanced, young-ish team and are performing to the degree you'd expect. Almost certainly bound for this year's playoffs they may not make the championship game, but they won't be making it easy on whoever draws them along the way.
Edlington AnarchyRoster age - 21 (22 developing, 9 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [31] Defense [25] Overall [31]
Edlington's slightly older roster is also slightly lacking in talent. They're a team in need of a rebuild.
Entebbe EldersRoster age - 25 (22 developing, 12 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [16] Defense [22] Overall [21]
The Elders aren't the oldest team in the league, but they're not far off that mark. They're also lacking the kind of talent that a mature team needs to make the grade. Almost half the roster is still developing, but it doesn't look likely they'll be challenging any time soon.
Florence Fools [Youngest team!]
Roster age - 1 (51 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [17] Defense [13] Overall [12]
The Fools are in the enviable position of having the youngest roster and a respectable grade of their players. Were we to fast-forward to next season right now, all 3 grades improve by a couple of places simply due to players maturing. A rennaissance in Florence looks likely in the next 3 years.
Forbidden City DragonsRoster age - 11 (29 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [2] Defense [5] Overall [3]
Young roster and highly rated? What else would you expect from the league's pre-eminent player broker?
Grand Rapids RampageRoster age - 20 (23 developing, 7 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [30] Defense [16] Overall [24]
The Rampage's offense needs some work and as much as they've an older team they have enough young players to build a backbone that may help them compete in the North.
Harnosand HarbourmastersRoster age - 9 (25 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [13] Defense [18] Overall [15]
Harnosand surprised a few teams with decent first half form this season. Sadly, since then their luck has left them and they're out of the running this year, but this is a young team and they're only going to get stronger for the next 3+ seasons.
Heliopolis PhoenixRoster age - 7 (33 developing, 4 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [22] Defense [14] Overall [19]
Heliopolis are another team who've punched above their weight in the 2025 season and they've done so without the strength of roster you'd expect from a winning team. Plenty of opportunity for the Phoenix to continue emerging from the flames and they look to be a shoe-in as divisional champs for the next few years at least.
Hong Kong KingsRoster age - 3 (32 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [28] Defense [7] Overall [17]
A roster full of mutants leads to a low-rated offensive roster and clearly some genuine talent will be needed if the Kings are to challenge for Fail Brigade South's title. Their defense is keeping them in the hunt however, and a third successive playoff appearance is likely at this point.
Les Republicains de ParisRoster age - 5 (37 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [14] Defense [3] Overall [4]
Another team demonstrating the value in defense as the route to victory, Paris can upset anyone in any game. A third bowl appearance is possible this year, but they're maybe not the favourite to get there. For those hoping that Paris' days are numbered, they're not. 5th youngest team in the league, friends.
Los Angeles Earthquake [#1 offense!]
Roster age - 14 (23 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [1] Defense [20] Overall [9]
The number 1 offense on paper but where are the results?
Maastricht Violent VerminRoster age - 13 (28 developing, 8 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [20] Defense [26] Overall [25]
The Vermin are still young enough to make something out of the roster we have, and that's good. Less good is that the roster they have really isn't very good.
Montevideo ScreamersRoster age - 23 (18 developing, 4 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [10] Defense [21] Overall [18]
The Screamers are packing a decent offense but the team is starting to get older and they'll begin losing starters before long. Their record is such that they'll get another run at the title this year, but we might be looking at a swansong season for the 2024 champs.
Nice BaguettesRoster age - 29 (17 developing, 8 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [4] Defense [11] Overall [8]
Nice are in do-or-die time as their team is ageing rapidly, but they're looking like the number 1 contender in Fail Brigade right now. They'll get maybe one more swing at the bowl next year before age forces a rebuild.
Nottingham ArrowsRoster age - 18 (25 developing, 5 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [24] Defense [24] Overall [26]
There's no good news in Nottingham who will be looking for a fresh perspective on their lineup in the next couple of seasons.
Oviedo TardigradosRoster age - 30 (12 developing, 11 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [11] Defense [27] Overall [23]
The Tardigrados are undoubtedly in rebuild mode. They've put an offense (of sorts) together, but they're older than dirt and clearly a few steps off the pace.
Penrith LionsRoster age - 19 (27 developing, 10 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [22] Defense [29] Overall [29]
Leading their division with a lacklustre roster, the Lions should be thrilled. They'll get flattened in the playoffs, but they're sure near certain the get there.
Porth Emmett AuctioneersRoster age - 27 (14 developing, 9 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [27] Defense [12] Overall [20]
Porth Emmett are still paying the price of their foundation gamble for early results that never quite came good. Their defense is respectable, but the team is old
Reasonable LengthsRoster age - 31 (17 developing, 17 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [26] Defense [27] Overall [30]
If you were asked to name, without looking, the worst rated team in the league you'd say "Corpses." You'd be right. If then asked to name the second worst, you might be surprised to find out that it's the Lengths, but it is. Second oldest roster, and it not a good one at all. Full rebuild time.
Star City SlamhoundsRoster age - 4 (36 developing, 3 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [19] Defense [30] Overall [28]
Star City have one of the youngest teams but they're sorely lacking in defensive talent. They're in a very winnable division but it's going to take more than they have right now to take the title.
Stockholm North Stars [#1 defense!] [#1 overall!]
Roster age - 25 (13 developing, 3 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [12] Defense [1] Overall [1]
Hey everyone, the North Stars have the strongest roster in the league. They also have one of the best gameplanners. Unless Derry knock them out in the conference championship, this is your Bad Company bowl winner right here. Again.
Sumpan Crazy WolvesRoster age - 16 (28 developing, 8 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [14] Defense [17] Overall [13]
Challenged to find the most average roster in Electrosports, you've found it. Sumpan are average for age, hovering around average for all team ratings and it's not helping them cut through against teams who excel on one side of the ball or the other. The team needs an injection talent on one side of the ball or the other to help them cut through.
Tillamook SharknadoRoster age - 27 (21 developing, 12 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [9] Defense [19] Overall [14]
Changes will be coming to Tillamook as 12 players are in their last few seasons of usability. If they can hold their offense together a little longer they could yet snag a second division title, but the odds are against them.
Ulaanbaatar RaptorsRoster age - 5 (30 developing, 2 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [17] Defense [2] Overall [5]
Bad Company North is lacking a dynasty and the Raptors are in great shape to be the first. They've a powerhouse defensive roster and a very young team to act as a springboard to multiple titles.
Wausau War ElephantsRoster age - 2 (44 developing, 0 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [8] Defense [9] Overall [10]
The War Elephants have found considerable success under their new leadership. They've always had the youngest roster having drafted 100% rookies in the foundation and that's led to the situation they're in now with a major part of their roster hitting their prime at the same time.
Zena SonerosRoster age - 10 (25 developing, 1 retiring players)
Ratings - Offense [25] Defense [22] Overall [26]
Zena haven't been quite as dominant as might usually be expected this season, a quick glance at their team ratings tells you why. They're a young team but clearly still have some rebuilding work to do.
Last edited at 3/31/2023 8:12 am