Welcome to the Bread Bowl ladies, gentleman, and goblins. This is the official source of news regarding the long-standing rivalry between Cheesy Philly and the Nice Baguettes.

I'm your host, Conan the Barbarian O'Brien, and here's the breakdown. The Bread Bowl began in the first season of the league - 2022. The Baguettes, having a rough time of it, eager to grab a win over division mate Philly, lost dramatically in their first matchup. Bitter and eager to prove themselves, the Bread Bowl was born, where the Baguettes set out with a goal - even if they don't make the playoffs, they will get revenge for the harsh defeat they suffered against Philly in their first match.

The Baguettes completely restructured the team, set out training, every night their coach watched footage of Will Smith nailing targets left and right. The day had come, the second match was here. Spending all of their advertising budget, they got the Saint Louis Bread Company (Panera Bread), a company they deal with regularly in the bread industry, to come up with a name for the event. The name "Bread Bowl" was born. Well worth a satchel of baguettes. And thus the rival was born.

That's the story. If anyone comments on my repeated phrasing, I'll cut your head off with my badass sword.

Thank you.

Edit:
HELLO, it's Conan again. The editor forgot to tell you when the Bread Bowl takes place like a total moron, so I'm making him tell you now;

The Bread Bowl is the second matchup between Cheesy Philly and The Baguettes each season.

Conan: THERE IT'S DONE, CAN I GO NOW? THE MIC IS STILL ON? WELL TURN IT OFF. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I NEED TO GO WATER MY PLANTS, HURRY IT UP MIC BOY. I CAN JUST TAKE IT OFF? WELL TAKE IT OFF.

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Conan: IT'S OFF? FINally, why is everyone here usele -

2022 Bread Bowl

Winner: Nice Baguettes!

Conan: Hello, I'm your host, Conan the Barbarian O'Brien, here with Leeroy Albatross, and we're bringing you coverage on the first annual Bread Bowl.

Conan: A hard-fought victory against a juggernaut, David beat Goliath.

Leeroy: Philly on a te-

Conan: MY TURN. Philly on a tear, completely undefeated. Will Smith nailing it left right and center. Just tearing up the competition. They nailed every game, tearing apart the competition.

Leeroy: Perhaps we should find new words instead of using the same ones ove-

Conan: SHUT UP OR I WILL END YOU, MY VOCABULARY IS DIVERSE. IT'S ALSO DIVERSE!!

Leeroy: I.. I apologize, let's continue. The re-

Conan: Please do.

Leeroy: Uhm yeah, the results a-

Conan: It's your turn to talk.

Leeroy: Thanks Conan. Your sword is making me nervous. Anyway, the results are in, and somehow, the Nice Baguettes pull off a fantastic victory that no one saw coming.

Conan: I saw it coming. I see everything coming, nothing gets past me.

Leeroy: Right... Congratulations to the Baguettes for achieving an impossible goal.

Conan: It's not impossible if they did it.

Leeroy: It's just a figure of speech-

Conan: wields sword A beautiful victory for the Baguettes! Defeating Philly who was on a tear, they put the nail in the coffin, nailing the game and-

Leeroy: How did he get a job doing this...?

Conan: hoists sword

Broadcast cuts

2023 Bread Bowl

Winner: Cheesy Philly

Conan: Hello ladies, gentleman, and assorted creatures (**** these PC rules), I'm your host Conan the Barbarian O'Brien, here today with Phillip Crow.

Phillip: Glad to be he-

Conan: DON'T INTERRUPT ME YOU SWINE. ANOTHER BIRD BOY? WEIRD.

Phillip: I'm sorry Co-

Conan: I WASN'T FINISHED. STOP SQUAWKING. LOL - that's what they say these days right? ANYWAYS, CO-HOSTS ARE A DIAMOND DOZEN, BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE CONAN THE BARBARIAN O'BRIEN. Let's continue, where was I? I'm here with BIRD BOY and we're reporting on the Bread Bowl.

silence

Conan: IT'S YOUR TURN

Phillip: Th.. thank you Conan. Set to get revenge from the last Bread Bowl defeat, Philly trained all off-season - no break for the cheesers. The train-

Conan: HAH, cheesers, good one.

Phillip: yeah uh, the training seems to have paid off, extending through the second game of the season.

Conan: PHILLY LOST THE OH AM I LOUD? Philly lost the first two games of the season, because their guys were just too tired. But...

Phillip: But once they got rest-

Conan: BUT ONCE THEY GOT REST, they demolished everyone in their path, like real warriors. Obviously they aren't warriors like me, they are weak, I dare any of them to try to best me in combat. I will be in the parking lot at 5pm today if anyone wants to try.

Phillip: I don't think that's appropriate, Conan-

Conan: I DON'T THINK YOU'RE APPROPRIATE, BIRD BOY - LOL.

Phillip: You know, people don't actually say "lol" right?

Conan: ... HEY, PERSON WRITING THIS!

Editor: uhhhh.. yes?

Conan: Change his name to BIRD BOY - LOL **** I'm funny, change it to "Bird Boy".

Editor: What? I'm not doin-

Conan: NOW.

Bird Boy: Conan, that's absurd, no professional editor would do such a thing.

Bird Boy: Wait are you kidding? Seriously? You did it? You have no spine. I'm out of here.

Conan: If you leave that chair, YOU will have no spine. We will finish this broadcast Bird Boy... LOL.

Bird Boy: Where were we-

Conan: Philly demolished everyone.

Bird Boy: You already said that.

Conan: DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT MY VOCABULARY. MY VOCABULARY IS DIVERSE. VERY DIVERSE. SO DIVERSE YOU WOULD BE SHOCKED. Philly DEMOLISHED the competition leading up to the showdown at the Bread Bowl.

Bird Boy: I really don't know how he even spoke to the person writing this, I'm so confused, it makes no sense ... Yeah so we are at the second Bread Bowl, almost everything the same as last season. Can Philly do it, or will the Baguettes take home the soup vessel yet again?

Conan: WE ARE REPORTING AFTER IT HAPPENED BIRD BIDY lol WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING WE DON'T KNOW THE RESULTS?

Bird Boy: It's a common techniq-

Conan: PHILLY WON. THEY BEAT the Baguettes 19 to 6, a complete slaughter, something I'm familiar with.

Bird Boy: I'm out of here...

Conan: I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE. SORRY TO THE PHILLY TEAM, I WILL BE AVAILABLE AT 5:01PM IN THE PARKING LOT. So that's the report. Philly DEMOLISHED the Baguettes like they demolished everyone else. BROADCAST OVER.

Broadcast cuts urgently