Catacol Wildcats manager leaves stadium after 1st Quarter rout by Sumpan Crazy Wolves

by Watkins Bunghole for the Goatfell Enquirer
SUNDBYBERG, SWEDEN
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This morning the howls of complete indifference could be heard from Lochranza to Whiting Bay after last night's disastrous Wildcats game away at Sumpan Crazy Wolves, where the manager Edoardo Cha was seen to throw his hands up in disgust and storm off mere seconds into the second quarter, leaving his team to be systematically trounced without his guidance.

After being refused press access, this intrepid journalist was able to obtain a recording of a telephone call the inexperienced manager had with an unknown contact.

"It's not my fault that the team play badly, I am manager di calcio, si? I was told I was to take over Northend Thistle, the worst club in Regno Unito. Molto grande opportunity!", Edoardo was heard to exclaim, and this reporter can only imagine him wildly gesticulating as he did so.

"No-one told you that, you knew what you were getting into. If you don't [EXPLETIVE][EXPLETIVE] the [EXPLETIVE] results our employer [EXPLETIVE] demands, the [EXPLETIVE] board will [EXPLETIVE] your [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE]ing [EXPLETIVE], capisci?" the other voice was heard to say in a low, threatening tone.

"No, ascolta! I turn up to first day at training and meet these uomini grassi giganti, and I'm like che cosa? Where is the team? Then direttore tell me about something called gridiron, I say him we not have that in Italia, only ladri di biciclette! They want to build new young team, I give them a young team, a young team of [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE] idioti! Non e culpa mia!"

As I'm sure you'll agree, this recording is damning evidence that Edoardo is well out of his depth, but for how long can he cling on to his position?

After last night's match - tentatively described the "Wooden Spoon Bowl" before the Crazy Wolves' star quarterback made a recovery from injury and single-handedly turned their season around - and with the Wildcats' implosion, it looks very hard to see a way back for them.
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Watkins Bunghole, Goatfell Enquirer